What's in a Name?

Changing your name is understandable when you realize how that one word can shape the reality of your existence. It’s like a label that carries an energetic resonance that defines who you are within the perception of others as well as your own. If you’re born a Bob and later in life your adventurous high-risk nature resonates more with Thor, then that’s something to celebrate. If you’re born a Betty after your great-grandmother and you end up on the stage as a pop star, then you may feel more aligned with the name Angelica. What matters is how it makes you feel standing in your own two shoes.

What’s interesting is how people respond to the change. My own parents combined their first names and condensed it to my given name, Shawn, so it was understandable that they felt hurt and confusion when I switched to Shawna about fifteen years ago. I wasn’t considering the effect it would have on others. For them, it was a sense of rejection; for me, it was something completely different. 

I was moving through life predominantly in my masculine-driven energy, with my feminine creative flow feeling suppressed and unseen. With Shawn having more of a masculine resonance, putting an ‘a’ on the end felt like a natural solution, no big deal, and it helped tip the scale more to the feminine side. Therefore, I had what seemed to be three logical solutions for making the change. 

1. I was leading an all-women’s fitness bootcamp, and having a woman instructor was imperative to the clientele, so it made sense in the advertising to have a feminine name to eliminate confusion 🤷🏻‍♀️

2. I kept receiving solicitations in the mail directed to men, mostly for Playboy magazine!

3. This was the tipping point… my partner at the time told me straight up that he didn’t like the name Shawn, and that I should change it to Shawna… and at that time, I cared a lot about what others thought about me.

And so I did it. And all it took was a trip to the courthouse to fill out some documents, and you're good to go. Something that holds so much value, deeply rooted in belief and tradition, stamped on your birth certificate, can be changed like that, no questions asked. 

In hindsight, knowing what I know now, here’s what I would have done differently. I would have honored and nurtured my feminine nature without feeling shame in it. I would have gracefully expressed both my masculine and feminine essence in perfect balance, thereby allowing my given name, Shawn, to do the same. And, I would have added a picture in my advertising, because pictures speak louder than words.

I would have written ‘turn back to sender’ and told Playboy that I like boys and that no, I don’t want Playgirl!

I would have told my partner at the time that I appreciate the lessons he brought to my life, and then we would have journeyed on our separate ways, now that I don’t care what others think about me. 

But in reality, I wouldn’t change a thing, and I am grateful I changed my name when I did. Every decision we make is what shapes us, and it’s exactly what we need at that time to evolve into a better version of ourselves. And, every person that comes into our lives is purposefully sent so we can assist each other in that process. I wouldn’t have learned how to stay grounded and balanced in both my masculine and feminine energy. I wouldn’t have understood the root cause of my own pain and suffering, and I wouldn't have had the space for it to heal. I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to learn who I am at the core.

I am choosing to take back my original name, Shawn, because it feels good. So does Shawna, and I receive both, but now I no longer feel I have to be someone I’m not, and I honor both for what they have each taught me. 

Next time you get lost in hindsights, when you are beating yourself up or someone else for the decisions you have made and the experiences they brought, turn that around into gratitude for who you are today, and then turn who you are today into whom you envision yourself to be tomorrow.